Wow . . . it feels surreal that another year has gone by (even though I haven’t lived that many years).
2018 was an eventful year, and part of me feels 2019 won’t be any different.
Supposedly, people make New Years’ Resolutions when a new year rolls around. But I’ve never done one in my life.
I’ve decided to make one this year, for the first time ever.
I have many goals, yes, but as for resolutions, I can only handle one at the moment.
I will judge myself as God judges me.
And that resolution, honestly, is a pretty hard one.
I’m such a perfectionist, through and through, and sometimes perfectionism can be a kind of cowardice. It’s something I hide behind.
Everything must be just right.
I can’t stop until it’s finished and everything is in order.
If my projects are unveiled before I’m “done” then anxiety takes over me.
If I make a mistake it’s crippling.
It’s all lies that I tell myself. That I have been telling myself. I’m finally tired of it, and I’m ready to begin anew. I want to make myself new and see myself in a new light.
Oh, says the idealist in me. I really am an idealist. That’s why it’s so crushing when I don’t uphold a new “resolution”.
Though I haven’t made any New Years’ Resolutions until today, I make resolutions ALL THE TIME. Every day. More than once a day.
I’m not ever doing that again. I’ll be better next time. I’ll be better . . .
Do you know what I expect from myself?
Perfection. Not just any perfection. His perfection. God’s perfection.
And that is a sin.
I will judge myself as God judges me. I am broken yet I am redeemed. Even then, I am still a being of flesh and bone—human.
Human means fallible.
Human means blundering.
Human means sinful.
But . . .
I am in Christ.
A thousand years ago, an apostle wrote a letter to precious people. Those words are for all people, even today.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation . . .2 Corinthians 5:17a
New. Creation. Creations are meant for something, meant for a purpose.
. . . The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.2 Corinthians 5:17b-19
A ministry of reconciliation. God, if there is anything I need, it is this. Maybe it’s been what I’ve sought all this long time.
I must stop myself before I fall into thinking I’m invincible after reading something so inspiring. In one aspect, inspiration brings me down. It makes me think more of myself than I actually am.
There is a beauty to context; no scripture should be read without regard to the text before and after it. Let’s rewind a few verses.
He gives us a reminder.
For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.2 Corinthians 5:1-5
Can’t be perfect now. We long for an age, when He returns, where true perfection can be obtained through God. The apostle acknowledges that life is difficult, but the Holy Spirit has been given to us as a guarantee, a sign, a promise of what will come.
So we are always of good courage.2 Corinthians 5:6a
We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.2 Corinthians 6b-10
We are of good courage, and our purpose is to please Him.
What an amazing God. He uplifts us and upholds us, and He gives us a purpose, a purpose I would spend my whole life searching for, if it were not for his ministry of reconciliation.
So as this New Year begins, I will strive to judge myself as God judges me, and hold onto His promise through every day. (2 Corinthians 5:1-5)